Priti vacant…
Ever since Boris Johnson took the helm as our Prime Minister, I have found myself increasingly taking a strong position on a number of things – including matters such as Brexit, COVID, the economy and Parliament’s moral compass.
I have a life-long interest in politics but don’t have a particular party allegiance. My vote is cast for the candidate who makes the most sense, it’s as simple as that, and I am sure this is no different to many other non-partisan voters?
For me, however, this position would appear to be the past, not the present.
WOE IS ME: voters have turned their backs on Boris Johnson at two important by-elections.
In truth, Johnson had little wriggle room when it came to extracting the UK from Europe’s clutches. And when the pandemic struck, he responded effectively. But, in my humble opinion, these two major matters were never going to define him as a leader. Nitty-gritty matters such as balancing the books and demonstrating ethical leadership were always going to be the real tests – and boy has the former journalist been found wanting in both respects.
Last night’s hammerings in two by-elections – in Devon and Yorkshire – have left Johnson and the Conservatives reeling. Most Tory MPs realise this, as do their supporters and voters.
Alas, Johnson and a handful of senior figures remain blissfully unaware (or don’t care) about the dire direction in which their party is heading. This is bad news for them – and the country.
On Times Radio this morning, Home Secretary, Priti Patel, did her utmost to defend the Prime Minister’s record, saying he has done a good job for the country and he remains the best man to take Britain forward. As she was speaking, the song Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols popped into my head. And I found myself wondering if Priti, the fourth most senior government minister, lives in the same world as you and I?
BLOW ONE: the Liberals managed to overturn a massive Tory majority in Tiverton.
This is the same lady who is presiding over an appalling policy to send illegal immigrants to Rwanda, where they can be ‘processed’ and who has also been accused of ‘bullying’ her civil servant subordinates.
She’s an eloquent speaker with oodles of drive and ambition, just as the PM has. Yet, while she was promising to “listen more” to what voters want and need, in reality, she just dripped out the same old platitudes that increasingly come out of the mouth of every government minister or spokesperson these days.
As she was doing her best to support Boris, the predictable chants of the winning Liberal and Labour candidates – “unfit to govern” and “Johnson and Tories out” – also echoed down the airwaves.
For me, the last thing we need is for Johnson to quit now. Instead, I think we need him to stay in post for the next two years – until we can have a General Election that settles things once and for all. Why? Because seismic change is needed in our society, along the lines of what occurred when Margaret Thatcher replaced a bankrupt Labour regime in the 1970s and Tony Blair’s New Labour regime ousted John Major in the 1990s.
BLOW TWO: Wakefield, a key cog in Labour's 'red wall', returned to its traditional roots last night.
By the time these ‘white knights’ swept into power, the country was sick to death of the corruption, incompetence and lack of ideas contained within the governments of Jim Callaghan and John Major. We needed radicalism, unity and progress – not policies and ministers that led us ever closer to the abyss.
Over time, the British people grew tired of Messrs Callaghan and Major, who refused to relinquish power until the last minute. Because they refused to do the ‘right thing’ until they had no choice, their parties were punished, becoming electoral pariahs until they proved they had credible policies and could command the trust and respect of voters once again. In both instances, they were in the wilderness for more than a decade.
In my opinion, the likes of Boris Johnson and Priti Patel would fit in well with the failed administrations of Callaghan and Major. Based on their performances so far, they are not people who are capable of leading a country with vigour, energy and innovation – and they seemingly have no desire to treat the population at large with anything other than utter contempt.
WAITING IN THE WINGS: Keir Starmer could become PM if Labour's momentum continues.
Only time will tell whether Labour leader, Keir Starmer is the right person for the top job. But, while he may not be the entertainer Johnson is, he certainly seems to be made of good, old-fashioned character and morality. And we certainly need large dollops of this in our Prime Minister. While we don’t have to like the man at the helm, we do need to believe him and, more often than not, trust and respect him.
For these reasons and many others, I hope the Tories stay in power for the full term. That way, change will come and our country has the very best chance of being able to rebuild itself from the bottom upwards.
I live in hope.
Tony Yorke is the Deputy Editor of Sorted.
Recognising fathers
New Dad Diaries / Week 4
Despite a lot of rhetoric, society is seemingly against dads playing an equal role in the raising of their children. Sorted's Chris Kerr says enough is enough.
Fathers are just as important in raising children as mothers. I know this statement seems outrageous, after all our government, media, legal and health systems often have you believe otherwise – but the evidence emphatically confirms what I am saying.
I am mentioning this as it is highly likely you may have been made to feel differently. Whilst I have nothing but praise for the NHS, which looked after my wife and baby, national health policy certainly leaves a lot to be desired.
On the day she was born, Thea and her mum needed to stay overnight for monitoring. At 4 pm, just a few hours after her birth, I was asked to leave. I was told I could come back the next day, but only for four hours. My 'slot' could start at 9 am. The edict was issued due to Covid-19 risks, which I get. But the proclamation still left me feeling like a necessary, but ultimately unimportant, part of my child’s life!
Yet, I was the lucky one. Some mothers and babies were in the ward for many days. Those poor dads ended up missing key time with mum and baby due to the NHS’s draconian policy. In one case, a baby was taken into hospital with serious concerns over their health. Regardless of the seriousness, the child’s dad was told to stay home.
ALL OUT AT SEA: society has a clear role for mum Alicia – but less so for fathers like Chris.
Pre-birth wasn’t much better either. I would often be waiting outside the hospital with numerous other expectant fathers who weren’t allowed into appointments. As far as the NHS is concerned, fathers are literally being left out in the cold.
This is a reflection of society’s rather backwards view that fathers aren’t all that important.
In recent years, government policy has been so neglectful of dads that the Fatherhood Institute has called on them to include, as a priority, the provision of detailed guidance to ensure that pre and post-birth services engage with, and supports, new fathers.
Unfortunately, the media paints an even worse picture of fathers, who are mostly presented as oversized kids who add to the wise, practical mum’s burden in singlehandedly raising her children. And don’t even get me started on the dreadfully researched extremely feminist drivel that says fathers aren’t needed at all!
Fathers are important, and study after study confirms it.
A BUNDLE OF JOY: young Thea's parents love and cherish their first-born child.
In an analysis of over 100 studies on child-parent relationships, a loving and nurturing father was discovered to be as important for a child’s happiness, well-being and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother. Surprise, surprise.
Other research shows a positive correlation between father engagement and a child’s ability to make good moral decisions, problem solve and connect with others. In one study, spanning 26 years, researchers found that the biggest factor in developing empathy in children was father involvement.
It also shows people who had an absent father account for 90% of people who commit serious crimes; 75% of adolescent murderers; 70% of juveniles in prison; 63% of all youth suicides; 71% of all high school dropouts; 90% of homeless and runaway kids and 80% of rapists with anger problems. People without a dad are also twice as likely to suffer obesity and 279% more likely to carry weapons and deal drugs.
Society really must change its view on fatherhood, and urgently.
Let me be clear. To explain why fathers matter is not to imply that mothers don’t. I am simply arguing that fatherhood has a point (not that motherhood doesn’t). A child suffers greatly when either mum, or dad, is out of the picture. Let’s move towards a society that recognises that and celebrates, supports and encourages both.
Chris Kerr is a senior executive in the UK legal industry.
Tip of the week
Remember that your kid doesn’t need you to be perfect. They just need you to be present. In the early weeks, feed your baby, bathe them, play with them, and cuddle them. It really makes a real difference.
DNA doesn't define a Dad
Being a father, and a force for good in the life of a young person, is much more than being linked to a child by mere biology, argues Claire Hailwood.
My teenagers often forward social media posts to me. Sometimes they are about gifts they want or food they want to make. Often they’re videos that gently poke fun at parents. And occasionally they’re something more meaningful.
One of these came recently. It posed the simple question: “What is a dad?”
Reading the comments that accompanied the social media post, it was striking to note the things respondents identified as important, or significant, in a father are not dependent on a biological connection. This revelation was significant to our teenager. They are an adopted young person, with personal experience of the complex layers connected to the role or person(s) known as ‘Dad’.
UNCERTAIN FUTURES: every 15 minutes, a child is put into the care system in the UK.
The previous weekend, our teenager rolled their eyes at the ‘dad jokes’ being shared around the dinner table with a young couple from our church. The guy is not a dad, but the simultaneous love and despair generated by his jokes were perhaps an acknowledgement of the role he has in our teenager’s life. He’s a person of influence, someone who is protective, consistent and offers guidance. Interestingly, these qualities were all mentioned in the post our teenager shared only days earlier.
A few years ago, a 16-year-old girl joined our family in need of support. She would go on to stay with us for two years until she was ready for independence. At the time, we had two pre-school children, so the addition of a teenager in the home was a welcome change from endless hours of playdough and cartoons!
Fast forward 12 years, and we’re thrilled to still be connected to this young woman. And every year, to celebrate Father's Day, she sends a card, text, or something on social media, to ‘Dandaye’.
SAFE AND SECURE: you don't have to be connected by blood to be a wonderful father.
This year’s message reads: “I never knew men could stick around for so long and keep showing up and not leave. Thanks for putting up with me.”
Such a heartfelt comment really emphasises that being a great dad is a lot more than an adult and a child simply sharing the same genes.
Alas, every 15 minutes, a child comes into care in the UK. They are precious, filled with potential and mischief, created on purpose to have purpose.
Many will have suffered neglect or abuse; all will go on to experience trauma and loss. It’s my belief that each one deserves a home where they will be loved, nurtured and enabled to thrive.
ROLE MODELS: men have an important part to play in helping children fulfil their potential.
At the charity where I work, we recognise everyone has a part to play in finding a home for every child who needs one. This Father’s Day (Sunday 19 June) we’re celebrating the unique role men have in the lives of children and young people. And we know just how difficult it can be to find space to talk about being a dad and explore ways to build a non-biological family.
Fathers; men. Thank you for the uniqueness and variety of everything you bring to families.
Perhaps this Father’s Day is the time to think about what part you can play to be ‘dad’ for a child who really needs one?
Claire Hailwood is Resources and Training Manager at the UK-based charity, Home for Good
Long live the King
More than 40 years after his death left the entertainment world reeling, Elvis is back. And the wait has been worthwhile, as Sorted’s Andy Godfrey discovers.
Wow. I am 'all shook up' after watching the biopic blockbuster about the life and times of Elvis Presley, the undisputed king of rock and roll.
It really doesn't matter what your music preferences are, or what your age is. My advice is, put on your blue suede shoes and head for the nearest cinema as soon as this cracker of a movie comes to a town near you. For it is a belter and you will love it.
IN HIS ELEMENT: Butler delivers a convincing performance as Elvis Presley.
In much the same way as the recent Rocketman used Elton John’s music to tell his story, Australian director, Baz Luhrmann, does exactly the same thing here. But it's not just Elvis's story he's telling, this is as much a film about other influential figures in the ‘King’s’ life, as it is about the man with thrusting hips and a voice that melted millions of female hearts.
Austin Butler steals the show playing Presley with authority and sensitivity. He really delivers a top-drawer performance.
DEVIOUS AND MEDDLING: Tom Hanks stands out as the divisive Major Tom.
The placement of songs at certain points in the story serves to highlight the problems and difficulties Elvis found himself in. For example, Caught In A Trap is heard as Major Tom, Presley’s double-dealing agent and uncle, signs a deal behind his back that prevents him from undertaking his world tour.
The evergreen Tom Hanks is wonderful as the deceitful Major. One minute he's a kind old relative who only has the star’s best interest at heart, the next he's a scheming, money-grabbing old codger who is holding Elvis back. The relationship between the two is dramatically and powerfully portrayed. And, if you want to find out how Hanks's character ends his days, stay to the end credits. They are illuminating!
ONE TO SAVOUR: accolades are pouring in for Baz Luhrmann's directorial masterpiece.
The comparisons with Rocketman, Judy and Bohemian Rhapsody will undoubtedly be made. In each case, we have people with incredible talent who allowed themselves, and their lives, to be shaped by others whose motives weren't exactly pure.
Of one thing you can be certain: Luhrmann’s terrific direction and eye for detail will ensure this is a massive hit at the box office. And rightly so. I certainly didn't get the blues while watching a special press preview, and although we left Elvis in Heartbreak Hotel there was a big part of me that simply wanted to shout out Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Andy Godfrey is a founder member of the Mark Kermode Appreciation Society.
‘Sucker’ traits are emerging
The New Dad Diaries | Week 3
Chronicling life as a new father to Thea, his beautiful daughter, Chris Kerr provides other first-timer Dads with some invaluable lessons – as they are learned.
Early data suggests Thea already knows her dad is a sucker.
Recently my wife, Alicia, and I put her down to sleep in her Moses basket. We then got into bed, turned off the light and breathed a sigh of relief. But just as we both started to drift off, we heard a noise that sounded like “cooooo!”
Rather than let a much-needed slumber claim me, I was alive, alert to the danger, and ready to save my daughter from whatever danger she was cooing about.
INSIGHTFUL: LouAnn Brizendine made some important discoveries about the male brain.
Her far more sensible mum suggested I wait and see if she fell asleep. I did as I was told – momentarily – until I heard another “cooooo” reverberating in the stillness of the night. This time it was a louder, longer noise, so my new fatherly instincts well and truly kicked in. I had to make sure she was okay!
Knowing I would get into deep trouble if I made Thea wake up fully, I looked at her behind the cover of my duvet so she couldn’t see me. Straight away I could see her big eyes were wide open. But what were they looking at?
That’s right, her eyes were locked firmly on me.
Instinctively, my daughter knows I am the weak one, the one who will jump out of bed at the slightest sound, the one who will give her ‘the world’ at the merest flutter of her eyelids. The sucker!
“Don’t do it, she will fall asleep,” encouraged my wife, knowing perhaps that the battle was already lost. Three weeks into parenting and Thea knows her Dad is wrapped around her little finger. Yelp.
Other fathers have warned me about this new protective instinct, but I was taken by surprise at how strong the pull is.
Take, for example, when some well-meaning people in the church I attend suggested Thea should one day marry a friend’s baby boy, born the same week. Everyone thought the idea was cute. But not me. My nostrils flared, my fists clenched, and out of my mouth came some uncharacteristic words: “Over. My. Dead. Body”.
PROTECTIVE INSTINCT: Chris admits some 'base emotions' have arisen in recent weeks.
Oops. Not quite the thoughts of a man who seeks to submit to a higher authority on a daily basis.
The protective instinct is a real thing – and science confirms it. LouAnn Brizendine, a celebrated US neuropsychiatrist, conducted extensive research on the male brain and found that newbie Dads go through hormonal changes that trigger their grey matter to be more protective and nurturing, to the point where we can hear our infants cry from much further away.
Men also have something called the SRY gene which is responsible for developing our testes (in other words, this gene literally helps us to grow a pair). Recently, scientists discovered it did something else too. When we experience a threat, the SRY gene increases blood flow to our major organs and releases the ‘fight or flight’ chemical. In contrast, women who don’t have this gene, have a different stress response system that makes them less prone to aggression and more likely to try to ‘tend and befriend’.
The simple truth is a man’s brain and body are literally primed and ready to protect, save and fight at the first sign of our infant being in trouble (or perceived trouble).
This protective instinct may go into overdrive sometimes but, overwhelmingly, it is a good thing. Neurologist, Sigmund Freud, went as far as saying: “I cannot think of any need as strong as the need for a father’s protection”.
We may not have to fight off Sabre Tooth Tigers anymore, but the world brings new dangers that are having an equally devastating impact. We know, for example, that kids who spend more time on social media have a much higher rate of depression than children who don’t.
FATHER FIGURE: Sigmund Freud understood why Dads feel they must protect their daughters.
So why am I writing about this?
Because it’s important new dads know their role in raising a child is equally important to that of the mother. But mainly I was looking for a solid defence I could give to my sleep-deprived wife when I inevitably do jump out of bed and unnecessarily wake up Thea.
In that regard, they don’t come much better than: “God made me this way!”
Tip of the week
"Control your protective instinct and don’t put a stair gate up in the first few weeks. Your baby can’t move yet so it will only be an annoying obstacle when you are carrying her and her ridiculous amount of stuff up to bed."
Chris Kerr is a senior executive in the UK's legal industry.