Podcast aids Dads' grief

Two devastated fathers – brought together through baby loss – have launched a podcast aimed at supporting other grieving dads and their families.

Liam Preston and Matt Dearsley, who live in Essex, recognised there were no resources specifically targeted at dads who were suffering and wanted to do something positive with their pain.

Their Dad Still Standing podcast which aired for the first time on Tuesday (25 May), focuses on the immediate aftermath of losing a baby. It explores Liam and Matt’s experiences on the day, through the first week, and beyond.

‘When we lost our baby girl, Paloma, during childbirth it was heart-breaking,’ said Liam. ‘I had hoped there would be something out there that could help me deal with the emotions, the stress, and the grief of this moment. However, when I looked around it was all focused on mums and nothing for dads. There was no one talking my language or saying they felt the same way I did.’

Matt added: ‘It is often hard for men to talk about their emotions, and we are seen as having to be strong for our partners and families. In reality, we are just as fragile and in need of support. We want to push through this stereotype and make sure dads know they can grieve and how best to cope with that.’

The podcast is designed to be a practical resource and a step-by-step guide on what is to come and how to overcome it following the loss of a child. Special guests and experts will support the dads as they embark on a weekly journey exploring subjects as diverse as looking at the differences between mums and dads; returning to work; telling siblings; financial impact; trying again; pregnancy after loss; religion; and maintaining a relationship with a partner.

One thing is guaranteed: it won’t be ‘an hour each episode of us being depressed about our stories’ – as Liam describes in the show. It’s two blokes talking as if they are down the pub about loss and what is to come in life.

As much as we would like it to be so, very few of us are equipped to handle seismic events in our lives – such as the tragic loss of a baby, or child.

Liam and Matt have chosen to turn their grief into a force for good for other men who face exactly the same roller coaster of emotion and sadness they experienced – and all of us at Sorted applaud this move.

Men do need to flush things out into the open, and we do so in very different ways to women. It's important this is acknowledged. And we are looking forward to monitoring the progress of Liam and Matt's important contributions in the weeks and months ahead.

Good luck fellas.

Dad Still Standing is available via Apple, Spotify, Amazon, Google, and all major podcast providers.

Surrey church leads the way

While some parts of the UK may continue to see their churches decline as congregations die out and wither, a Christian community in Surrey is bucking the trend – by witnessing an explosion in conversions. 

Last week, more than 160 people in Reigate professed faith after the local Baptist Church launched a ‘mission drive’.

Pastor Mike Williams and a dedicated team spent a week talking to townspeople about God and encouraging prayers on the streets and in parks. They even held a service in a café.

‘We gave out 1,000 leaflets and most of the responses we had were from young people, which was quite a surprise to us,’ the pastor told Premier Christian News.

Mike believes that lockdown and the pandemic may have encouraged more people to think about Christianity, so he and the church are now preparing to hit the streets more often.

‘We're going to continue to go out and we're also going to think about starting a gospel service,’ he added.

‘We're going to continue to keep sowing the seeds… making it as easy as possible for them to come to church and just hear more about Jesus along the way.’

Zoot alors! Cat’ll do nicely

For Margaret and Donald Lincoln, getting into a state of confusion about their favourite pâté has taught them an important life-lesson – they need to check the packaging of their cat food more carefully!

Angela Holloway has been shopping for mum Margaret and step-dad Donald (pictured, above) throughout the pandemic, but usually separates the pet food from the rest of the shopping before it is put away. 

But the 59-year-old was totally bamboozled last week when her mum told her she had enjoyed ‘a really lovely dinner of absolutely gorgeous pâté and baked bread’.

It turns out the Sheffield couple, who now live in France, were eating what they thought was the latest locally produced pâté with their family – but no one noticed the cat on the packaging.

The culinary faux pas – which thankfully didn’t leave a nasty taste in the mouth – was only discovered when 80-year-old Margaret found the tin and suddenly burst into laughter.

The family moved to France in 2015 and admit reading the French labels can still prove tricky – though Angela thought the feline picture on the tin was enough of a giveaway.

She said: ‘Honestly I nearly wet myself. I was absolutely howling with laughter.

‘My mum started laughing then my sister started laughing. My sides were splitting, my mouth was hurting, I was laughing that much.’

Gourmet

None of the trio became ill from eating the tuna-based food, which was meant for pet cat Aggy.

The family, who live in the Charente region, say they are having to find alternatives to British produce after Brexit affected trade.

Angela said that she can no longer buy meat and cheese products from the UK, including her parents favourite, Shippam’s paste, and is on the hunt for good alternatives.

She added: ‘Obviously, living in France, it’s quite hard, we kind of have to work out what something is. And I do try and split it up for her – that’s the cat [food], that’s the dog [food] and things like that – but sometimes she gets it a bit cockeyed.’

Though the cat food-cum-pâté proved to be a surprisingly popular change from Shippam’s Paste, Angela says her mum will be extra vigilant in the future.

‘Luckily it was gourmet,’ she added. ‘I think she’ll look twice for a cat on a tin now.’

‘Poignant’ Maddy reminder

No matter what you might be doing in the next few days, try and say a prayer for Gerry and Kate McCann – parents to the still missing Madeleine.

This month, it is 14 years since the four-year-old went missing from the holiday apartment she was sleeping in at Portugal’s popular Praia da Luz resort.

The kidnapping divided Britain and much of Europe, as people took positions on all the ‘ifs, buts and maybes’ that surrounded the case, which remains unsolved. Throughout everything, however, the McCann family’s pain and loss remained very real.

Now Gerry and Kate have posted a new message on the website they created in a bid to keep Madeleine’s name and story alive.

‘Every May is tough – a reminder of years passed, of years together lost, or stolen,’ they reveal. ‘This year it is particularly poignant as we should be celebrating Madeleine’s 18th birthday. Enough said.

‘The Covid pandemic has made this year even more difficult for many reasons but thankfully the investigation to find Madeleine and her abductor has continued. We hang on to the hope, however small, that we will see Madeleine again. As we have said repeatedly, we need to know what has happened to our lovely daughter, no matter what. We are very grateful to the police for their continued efforts.

‘We still receive so many positive words and good wishes despite the years that have gone by. It all helps and for that we are truly grateful – thank you.’

Officers from the Metropolitan Police continue to investigate the circumstances surrounding Madeleine’s disappearance.

Tony Yorke is Deputy Editor of Sorted magazine and Sorted Digital.

Are you a force for good?

Not so long ago, I attended a ‘women only’ meeting, at which a male church leader was invited to make a short introductory address. As he stood up from the main seating area and approached the microphone on the platform, there was considerable chatter in the room as the women settled down into their seats.

The male guest took the microphone in his hand and sternly shouted: ‘Silence, ladies. There’s a man speaking now!’

He was deadly serious, totally convinced of his authority over us – and no one challenged him.

Is it right that a man, or anyone for that matter, can address a women’s meeting in that way?

Unsurprisingly, all of the women in the room instantly shut up! Myself included. But I’m afraid my silence was caused more by shock and disbelief than by obedience to this bossy stranger. I found out later that other ladies were rightly cheesed-off about it. For moments like this don’t happen in isolation. They accrue.

Weapons

Some women demonstrate a knee-jerk reaction to this sort of control. Some are tired of being patronised, and maybe that anger is fuelling some of the unbalanced negative media narrative that is all around us that is fostering distrust, disunity and division between men and women. People dig in and become encamped on opposite sides, the battle lines are drawn, and desperate attempts are made to reclaim ground from one another. So nobody wins, and surely that can’t be a good thing?

Often, when social media is involved, people use their own words as weapons to squash the point someone else is making. At other times I notice they employ the words of others to shore up their own position.

How many times have you heard conversations and discussions that open with the expressions ‘they say’, ‘the media says’, ‘science says’ and ‘the Internet says’? Even among Christians it is very common to hear somebody say ‘the Bible says’!

Accrediting statements using these vague terms seems wishy-washy to me and I’m left asking: who exactly made that claim/declaration? When their identity has been established, my next move is to question their experience and credentials.

My position may seem harsh but here it is: I don’t take career advice from the long-time unemployed; I don’t take relationship advice from the long-time friendless; and I don’t take health advice from the long time unhealthy. In the fast moving world of social media, it’s worth pausing to consider exactly who is issuing the statement we are about to imbibe.

Other things to take into consideration include:

• What’s the intention of this person?
• Are they speaking from a position of knowledge or ignorance?
• Is it their intention just to blow off steam (however wise/unwise that may be)?

Encourager

Several times a week, I notice that someone is posting negative or critical comments on some of the social media platforms I belong to. Often these negative comments draw attention to the negative behaviour of someone else.

Such interactions often stir up a feeling of obligation to point out how negative they are being about someone else’s negativity! But I don’t comment because that would add further fuel to the growing mountain of negativity.

I reckon there are more than enough critics in the world, so I have decided I will seek to be the encourager we are all called to be.

Val Fraser is a freelance journalist based in Manchester and a columnist for Sorted Digital.

Top sports area revealed

From heart-racing Olympic finals to nail-biting football matches – Britain has produced a seemingly endless supply of talented athletes who have gone on to dominate the sporting world.

But is sporting prowess linked to where you are born and live, or is that too simplistic an answer?

According to researchers at Essential Living, who have looked into the top 100 British athletes and sporting legends of all time, the answer would seem to be as simple as where you live really will have a seismic effect on your chances of success.

Taking the top five athletes from each sports category, it will come as no surprise to learn Greater London came out on top, with 16 per cent of the top 100 coming from this area.

Among them is Graham Gooch, the former England and Essex opening batsmen. Gooch is the second-highest Test run-scorer in English cricket history.

He captained Essex and England during his career and returned to both as a coach. During his time at Essex, Gooch scored more runs than anyone else and became a cricket icon both at home and internationally.

In second place was the North West, with 14 athletes coming from the area.

Manchester and Liverpool are its two major population centres. Yet you have to go to the north west coast – and the home of Fylde Rugby Club – to find former England rugby captain, Sir Bill Beaumont, who earned 34 caps for his country and also represented the British and Irish Lions.

Today, Beaumont is Chairman of World Rugby, the game’s governing body. Beaumont. He was knighted in 2019.

Perhaps surprisingly, the South East only came third in the story, with a crop of 11 athletes. The region has the biggest population in the UK and contains seven cities – including Brighton and Hove, the seaside city that has a booming cultural scene.

Its biggest sporting icons include David Gower, the prodigiously talented left-handed batsman who smashed 8,000 Test runs for England. Born and bred in Tunbridge Wells, Gower holds the current record of 119 consecutive innings without registering a duck in Test cricket.

Minor places

The West Midlands – with 11 athletes – takes fourth place. It’s biggest name is Phil Taylor, the man who dominated world darts for what seemed like an eternity.

Four areas tied in joint fifth postion.

The East Midlands (9 athletes) came joint fifth. John Lowe, another darts legend, is identified in the study as being one of the biggest-ever icons to emerge from the region.

Also in fifth spot was the East of England, boasting heavyweight boxer, Anthony Joshua, among its biggest-ever superstars. Scotland (home to Olympic gold medal-winning cyclist, Sir Chris Hoy) and Wales (home to ace sailor, Hannah Miles) completed the quartet.

Propping up the table is the South West (with eight athletes). The region’s most successful sports star is triple Grand Slam tennis champion, Angela Mortimer, who was one of the world’s leading tennis icons in the 1950s and 60s.

Confessions of a film buff

Phew, I am still shaking! That was a wonderful, magical, slightly scary and very exciting experience.

If you haven’t guessed what I am talking about, it’s the moment I walked into screen eight at the Milton Keynes Odeon on Monday evening (17 May) – the day cinemas in the UK reopened their doors to the great British public.

I confess I took a moment to survey the seats; a moment to look at the enormity of the screen, after month’s of watching films on TV; a moment to look at the lights and the speakers all dotted around the room; and a moment to breathe in the atmosphere… before the a guy behind me started eating his tub of popcorn and the moment was lost.

But nothing was going to spoil this glorious, wonderful, joyous moment, not even a the loudest of popcorn crunchers.

Main dish

As the lights go down, the adverts begin – and I love everyone around me. I don’t care what they are, a sense of love washes over me for all around me. Then we are on the film trailers! Yes, oh yes.

I quickly calculate: must see that; not so keen on that one; and definitely, that looks good! Then come the safety instructions and, last but not least, an edict to switch my phone off. Boy, I am lapping this up and we are still minutes away for the main dish of the night.

Then comes another note to self, for this film you are not going to be able to look up IMDB to see who a particular actor is, what other films the director has made and how often the cinematographer has worked with this same crew. No checking the running time.

And if I want to go out to the loo during the film, well that’s just tough. I don’t have a remote with a pause button, so I am just going to have to miss something.

Then the big screen starts to shift. It gets wider. The sound volume increases. And lo and behold, the film I have come to watch miraculously appears. This is too good to be true. And it must be because I don’t even think about complaining when an idiot in the opposite row does indeed turn his phone on. Nope. Not even he is going to ruin this moment.

Prime suspect

Two blissful hours later I emerge into the Milton Keynes gloom with a glowing heart, a twinkle in my eye and a lightness of step. I have profusely thanked every member of the staff I can see (I wanted to hug them - but hey, steady on) and came away thrilled. This trip was worth every penny, every second.  I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

Oh, I nearly forgot – what about the film? Well The Little Things was really good. Yes, a lot of Rami Malek's dialogue is inaudible, due to his persistent mumbling, but Denzel is excellent. Thomas Newman provides a fine score and Jared Leto is suitably weird as the prime suspect in this ‘serial killer cop thriller’. I enjoyed it, and so will you.

But, to be honest, right now the film is secondary to the occasion. I have been back to the cinema – and that is all that matters.

And in the words of one of my great cinematic heroes: ‘I’ll be back' – very soon.

Andy Godfrey is a film reviewer for Sorted – and an evangelist, Bristol City fan and a leading member of the Mark Kermode Appreciation Society.

How to avoid 'sarnie sog’

Africa debt stalls C-19 effort

African countries are being prevented from tackling the COVID-19 pandemic effectively due to a crippling debt crisis, a leading charity has warned.

Christian Aid says the costs associated with vaccinating populations is prohibiting them from rolling out meaningful health programmes, as they simply don’t have the cash to pay for life-saving drugs and medical equipment.

A new research paper unveiled yesterday (17 May 2021) by the charity shows how developing countries need ‘a comprehensive debt cancellation deal’ to help ensure they can rapidly distribute Covid-19 vaccines.

Christian Aid also says private creditors should be forced to be part of a comprehensive debt deal agreed by the world’s 20 most powerful economies, thereby ensuring a long-term solution to the continent’s problems can be found.

In Vaccine Debts, Christian Aid demands the waiving of vaccine patents, so developing countries with generic medicine production capacity are able to boost production, lower prices, and help to save lives.

It also argues the need for what it calls a ‘solidarity package’ – so all countries have an equal chance to tackle the common challenges presented by COVID-19 and the climate crisis.

Global responsibilities

Fionna Smyth, the charity’s head of global advocacy and policy, said: ‘COVID-19 and climate change are complex crises requiring globally coordinated action. Wealthier countries have a responsibility both to support crisis prevention measures – COVID-19 vaccines, and climate mitigation and renewable energy – and curative measures, such as health systems or climate adaptation.

‘A solidarity approach is in the self-interest of rich, as well as poor. Decisive action and adequate investment now will reduce long-term costs, whilst saving lives and livelihoods.

‘A just recovery from this crisis depends on G20 countries and the International Financial Institutions living up to their global responsibilities, and resolving the debt crisis in a decisive and durable way.’

The research paper has been published against a backdrop of three million people dying from COVID-19. The pandemic is also pushing an estimated 150 million people into extreme poverty, whilst deepening poverty for many more people who were already unable to meet their basic needs.

The document points out that so far, Africa has accounted for about two per cent of vaccine doses, despite being home to 14 per cent of the world’s population.

To read the full Vaccine Debts report, please click here.

‘God’s hand’ seals Reds win

Liverpool goalkeeper Alisson Becker has attributed his historic winning goal against West Bromwich Albion to being ‘blessed’ and having God ‘put his hand on my head’.

The Brazillian international, who is a committed Christian, scored a sensational injury time winner against the Baggies on Sunday evening that reignited the Reds’ bid to seal a top-four Premier League finish.

‘You can't explain these things,’ said Alisson when talking to Sky Sports. ‘I couldn't be happier than l am now.

‘I saw it coming and I just tried to run into a good place and to be in a good position. The ball in was brilliant and I just tried to put my head on the ball.

‘Nobody followed me. I am lucky and blessed. Some things you can't explain. You can't explain a lot of things in my life, the only reason is God and he put his hand on my head today and I'm feeling very blessed.’

Alisson became the first goalkeeper in Premier League history to score with a header – and the first to score a winning goal.

It was also the very first time a Liverpool goalkeeper has scored a goal in the club’s illustrious 129-year history.

The win takes Liverpool, who have endured a traumatic season by their high standards, to within a point of fourth-placed Chelsea.

‘Hopefully I don't have to come up too many times to score,’ added the 28-year-old, who dedicated his goal to his late father, who died earlier this year.